It's a really quick procedure. I'm anticipating it to not be more than 30 minutes. However, that is a half an hour that my baby girl is put under, and a half an hour that I have all of those horrible Grey's Anatomy episodes running through my head when people have issues with anesthesia. I know she'll be fine, and this will be the best decision in the long run. It's just hard.
She and I were talking last night about the coming events. I told her we get to go swimming in the hotel, and she was so excited. Then, I said when we wake up we're going to go see the doctor for a little procedure. She asked me what a procedure is, so I told her the nice doctor was going to take off her pretty, little birthmark. When Kendall asked me why, I choked up and had a hard time explaining it.
We've thought about what the right decision would be from the minute she was born. In my head, I know this is for the best. However, when you look into the big, bright eyes of your perfect, little 3 year old it's hard to answer. It's hard to tell her anything, without making it seem like I don't think she's perfect just the way she is. Because I do. Every last cell of her is perfection in my eyes.
I'll be honest. When she was first born, seeing the birthmark through me for a bit of a loop. It was never even a thought in my mind when I was pregnant. I worried that people would look at my sweet baby and that would be all that they'd see. That it'd be all that they'd focus on. Three years later, I have to remind myself to even notice it.
Now, I just assume that people see what I see when I look at Kendall. The big, blue eyes that have a smile to themselves. The cute little gap in her teeth. The smile that lights up her face. The dimple on her right side that always peeks out when she giggles. The perfect face that reminds me what pure, unconditional, true love is.
So, when I get her back from the doctor's tomorrow, it'll be weird to have a little piece of her permanently gone. But, I just need to remind myself. Her little birthmark didn't define her when she was born with it, and it won't when it's gone. It'll be for the best.